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my body speaks

my body speaks

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck

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Author: lunargirl27

I am a writer and an artist, a teacher and a swing dancer (and a lover of all dancing); a woman who loves to dig in the dirt, talk to the flowers and sleep with the trees. I am an eternal student. Though I consider myself an introvert, my passion is finding true connection with others. I have lived with life-long chronic illness, and continue to struggle both with physical health issues, and bouts of depression and anxiety, sometimes debilitating. I am still reconciling my past with its effect on my present; learning to love the little girl who is still me, the one who carries our trauma. And I am finally, FINALLY, starting to know what loving myself actually feels like (less like an article in a self-help magazine, more like a loving expansiveness of self and a union with others. I don't like that description at all, but for now I'll let it be. This will kill my perfectionist). I'm here because I want to share my experience, strength, and hope. Not because I want to save or fix you, but because I hope you will see a reflection of your own strength and ability to heal in my words. The bad news is that no one will do this hard, at times painful, self-exploratory work for you. It's a humbling process. The good news is that you are capable of seeking help, and you deserve the love, support, and understanding that will help you heal. I acknowledge here, my privilege of having access to emotional support resources. I know I am one of the lucky ones. Though we cannot see each other, I know a little piece of you, just as you know a little piece of me. Our stories may be different, but we understand a shared pain. Though the specifics belong to each of us alone, our healing comes from also being able to see the similarities. This is how we break out of our isolation. And even if none of this helps you, maybe something here will lead you to a path that can offer you some hope and healing. Reach out anytime, I would love to hear from you.

Come on, Eileen…

August 7, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

Written July 30th, 2020 My dog and I are splayed out on my bed, small fan whirring, anticipating the heat. With less than an hour's sleep last night (and I'm not convinced Minnie slept more than I did) the world takes on a wavy sheen. As if just when I look at the tiny potted… Continue reading Come on, Eileen…

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My body as teacher

August 5, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

First thought this morning: my body is letting me down, again. It’s not cooperating. I am sluggish, filled with waves of nausea, at times absolutely have to close my eyes or feel as if I won’t be able to breathe. Second thought: today my body is telling me that despite my plans, despite what I… Continue reading My body as teacher

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UGH

August 3, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

This is not what I'd like it to be. I have something I want to post, it's so close to being "there".... Not perfectionist there, I'm working on letting go of that. But together enough that I feel pretty decent about it being out there in the virtual universe. Today itself is also not what… Continue reading UGH

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poems are the only language I can speak right now

June 29, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

me   sometimes I think this body belongs to no one least of all the one it shapes itself around     constellations in styrofoam   there is a smell now in this room. The two ceiling panels fell out like rotten teeth their dark stain an eerie brown never wet again behind this the… Continue reading poems are the only language I can speak right now

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Garden (poem #1)

June 12, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

This week has been a whirlwind of poetry. Suddenly, I find myself home again, writing. It's been years since I've written like this. Yet the content beckons darker dreams, ones that I can only sometimes recall. I'm going to start posting them here. The one below I wrote just now. Every day I'm been churning… Continue reading Garden (poem #1)

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Walking the talk

May 17, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

After diving into the messy circumstance that happens to throw itself at our feet, in some circles we say: it's just another fuckin' "opportunity" (insert air quotes here). I suppose that's what this is. Right? I mean, I started this blog so I could have a place to come and write when I felt full… Continue reading Walking the talk

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Who am I?

May 10, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

I realized throughout my time here in these pages that I've never really introduced myself. I've alluded to bits of my story, hinting at some trouble with physical and mental illness. But I haven't given you an overview. So. Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Marisa. I am a 41-year old woman who… Continue reading Who am I?

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I suppose I did have something to say

May 5, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

I don't really want to be here tonight, in front of the computer, staking claim to this page. My dog, Minnie, is next to me drying off from the bath I just gave her. And I was about to go back to Netflix, a reward for "getting things done" this afternoon. This morning I woke… Continue reading I suppose I did have something to say

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the places that scare me

April 23, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

First of all, the title of this post comes from one of Pema Chodron's many wonderful books: The Places that Scare you: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. I recommend all her books (When Things Fall Apart is what got me started in 2009). At any rate, delving into these places is a recent… Continue reading the places that scare me

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A seed for sea change

April 14, 2020May 14, 2024 lunargirl27

I am not doing well, I think as I try to work on my latest writing project. I rewrite a line I liked yesterday but now seems inadequate. It's worse. I delete the whole thing, then go back and put back what I had taken out.  A few minutes earlier I was lying on my yoga… Continue reading A seed for sea change

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