gratitude list

lunargirl27

Day 7

Saturday August 18, 2018

Tonight’s going to be short. I started with writing something else but I’m going to switch gears. The other piece can wait. I need to focus a bit on gratitude. Recovery and my involvement in twelve-step programs have taught me that whenever I’m struggling, regardless of the particular nature of that struggle, making a list of what I’m grateful for puts things into perspective. I’ve also found that no matter how great the battle, I can always find something to put on that list.

  1. My car behaved today (no jarring car alarm tantrums!)
  2. I got to practice yoga overlooking the ocean
  3. I showed up to said yoga class, even though I woke up wanting to lose myself forever in the oblivion of sleep
  4. This afternoon I spent a few hours with two of my girlfriends, harvesting herbs, preparing tinctures and herbal honey; planning the ingredients of future salves and oils
  5. My dog (enough said)
  6. Being on the phone with my best friend from childhood, who will do anything for me, as I will for her
  7. Meeting a dear friend of mine this evening to swing dance. He is by far my favorite dance partner, as well as being a total hunk of sweetness
  8. It’s day 7 of this blog! I followed through on my commitment!
  9. I spoke to my grandfather this afternoon
  10. I have another day of the weekend tomorrow- and I can sleep in!

I will keep this list to ten things, though I could easily list more. This is a reminder to me that things could always be worse. I can recognize and “honor” the challenges I currently face while also seeing all the things I am blessed to have and to do in my life. There have been moments these last couple days when I just wanted to disappear. These moments feel familiar and very scary. But I’m here, holding true to my commitments and showing up no matter what. I’ve come too far to just give up now.

 

 

 

Published by lunargirl27

I am a writer and an artist, a teacher and a swing dancer (and a lover of all dancing); a woman who loves to dig in the dirt, talk to the flowers and sleep with the trees. I am an eternal student. Though I consider myself an introvert, my passion is finding true connection with others. I have lived with life-long chronic illness, and continue to struggle both with physical health issues, and bouts of depression and anxiety, sometimes debilitating. I am still reconciling my past with its effect on my present; learning to love the little girl who is still me, the one who carries our trauma. And I am finally, FINALLY, starting to know what loving myself actually feels like (less like an article in a self-help magazine, more like a loving expansiveness of self and a union with others. I don't like that description at all, but for now I'll let it be. This will kill my perfectionist). I'm here because I want to share my experience, strength, and hope. Not because I want to save or fix you, but because I hope you will see a reflection of your own strength and ability to heal in my words. The bad news is that no one will do this hard, at times painful, self-exploratory work for you. It's a humbling process. The good news is that you are capable of seeking help, and you deserve the love, support, and understanding that will help you heal. I acknowledge here, my privilege of having access to emotional support resources. I know I am one of the lucky ones. Though we cannot see each other, I know a little piece of you, just as you know a little piece of me. Our stories may be different, but we understand a shared pain. Though the specifics belong to each of us alone, our healing comes from also being able to see the similarities. This is how we break out of our isolation. And even if none of this helps you, maybe something here will lead you to a path that can offer you some hope and healing. Reach out anytime, I would love to hear from you.

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