"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck
I want to offer something to people when their lives feel hopeless and unmanageable, when circumstances seem like they will never change. I want to remind myself we are always in motion, life is constant change, and that when I’m in despair there is always the knowledge that this to shall pass. I want to remember where… Continue reading What do I want?
One of the things I find soothing, especially when I’m struggling with either an overabundance of energy or no energy at all, is tending to my plants. It’s lovely this time of year because I can have lots of them on my deck. Herbs and flowers growing all over each other; their colors make me… Continue reading The strangeness of being human
I’m having one of those late afternoons where I don’t want to be alive. (Just an FYI, there’s never any danger of me hurting myself or acting on this feeling. I don’t want to alarm loved ones). It may just be because I feel, in all sense of the word, burnt out. The day started… Continue reading the 4pm blues
Day 7 Saturday August 18, 2018 Tonight’s going to be short. I started with writing something else but I’m going to switch gears. The other piece can wait. I need to focus a bit on gratitude. Recovery and my involvement in twelve-step programs have taught me that whenever I’m struggling, regardless of the particular nature… Continue reading gratitude list
Day 6 My hope: that writing these last six days has begun to grow the seedling of habit. Tonight this page is the last place I want to be. It’s been a really hard day. Maybe I’ll feel like writing about it tomorrow, maybe not. But being in recovery has taught me that I have… Continue reading hope and fear (2)
Day 5 My fear: the depression that’s been tailgating me since July will soon fully overtake me and losing my grandfather will send me into an eternal tailspin of mental illness. Melodramatic? Probably. I’m rational (and spiritual) so I know this too shall pass and that there is no forever when it comes to feelings… Continue reading hope and fear
Wednesday August 15 Day 4 I’m in the small park down the street, my dog and I walking through wet grass. I would love this in bare feet, the feel of cool green blades between my toes. But now I’m annoyed my sneakers are getting wet. It’s almost 11am. Almost two hours later than when… Continue reading If I were
Day 3 Tuesday, August 14, 2018 I don’t want to be here right now. And by “here” I don’t just mean at the computer, fingers strumming the keys, talking to an empty page. I mean that I don’t want to be anywhere. Not in my bed with the covers pulled over my head; not near… Continue reading not anywhere
Day 2 Monday August 13, 2018 It’s no wonder I’m still sick. Lately I’m living in my head more than my body. Not doing my usual stretches, my breathing exercises, not having the energy to dance. All the things that keep me here, tethered to this body, aware that I am more than just a… Continue reading give it up already
Day 1 Sunday August 12, 2018 Part of the reason that I haven’t committed myself to writing a blog is the absolute certainty that if I let myself write freely, I will be a wandering mess. The amount of energy it will take to edit what I write so that it resembles something presentable is… Continue reading another beginning
my body speaks 